The following is taken from an article published six months later, in April 2011.

What is it like to lose a family member to domestic violence?
Do you ever stop being angry?
How do you navigate that grief?

Today, Tracy shares the story of her sister Larsen who was killed during an act of domestic violence.

Can you tell us about your sister?

Larsen was 25 and worked at Tampa General Hospital as a NICU Nurse. She loved her work and loved that she was doing something worthwhile. As a single mother, she devoted her life to finding a cure for her autistic son, Aidric. She spent countless hours doing research, taking him to doctors and therapy.

She had him on a gluten-free casein-free diet. Her dream was that Aidric would grow up to be a functioning adult. In fact, her drive to be a nurse stemmed from his autism and the hope to go into a specialized field to not only help her son but others.
She was an amazing person. She was a force of nature that drew you in and drove you crazy! She was incredibly beautiful, kind, funny. She had a contagious personality. She was my best friend.
She had a ton of friends and people just wanted her around because she could light up the room. She touched more people’s lives in her 25 years than most people ever will. She was special, and way too perfect for this world.

Can you tell us about the man who did this?

He owned a barber shop where my sister took her son to get his hair cut. He wooed my sister for a good six months before she agreed to go on a date. They were only together about seven months and the very first time he became violent with her, she grabbed her son, left, and never looked back.

She filed for a protective injunction immediately after, and got it. During the injunction process, his background came out. It turns out that two other women had restraining orders against him and he had a list of charges against him, including cocaine trafficking.

Were you aware that she was having trouble with him?

The relationship wasn’t like that. He was a con artist. She had him around our family, and we met him on many occasions. He was a little shy and stand off-ish, but he was great with the kids and Larsen seemed happy.

What lead to her death?

We are not sure of all the details, and probably never will be. She had a restraining order against him and had no contact for about a month. He had been stalking her, though. She filed reports with the police, but they couldn’t prove it was him. As far as we can tell, he broke into our childhood home where Larsen was staying. She was able to dial 911 and say that her ex was in the house with a gun, but help did not arrive in time.

She was a strong, smart woman. She did everything within her power to protect herself and her son. She did everything right, but you can’t stop a deranged man with just a piece of paper.

Your sister left behind an autistic son. Where will he live now? How is he handling all of this?

Aidric is in custody of my parents (his grandparents) right now and they are hoping to start the adoption process. They have helped my sister raise and care for Aidric since he was born, and he loves them as much as they love him. No one really knows what Aidric understands, but he does ask for his mommy.

What we do know is that he is now, and will continue to be, surrounded by all the love we can give him. Our family has set up an Assistance Fund for Aidric so that my parents can continue to give him everything he needs, and more than my sister could even think of giving him. He still needs the special food and therapies. The Assistance Fund will hopefully be something that extended family and friends can donate to as Aidric grows. We need all the help we can get.

One hour with a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor is $300/hr, and they don’t take insurance. I made a small grocery run for him the other day, just to get a few snacks and the bill was over $50. I say this to make everyone aware of the costs my sister dealt with on a daily basis, and what my family is dealing with now that she is gone. We need help and are not afraid to ask for it.

What has happened to the man who killed your sister?

This man is a coward of the worst kind. His murder of my sister was preplanned. He intended to run, but only got one city away. The police figured out who killed her because she never stopped fighting. Her last words to the 911 operator gave away his identity. As he was running from the police, he lost control of his car and crashed it. The vehicle exploded and he burned to death.

I know I speak for my family when I say we are grateful that he died. We are barely getting through this without the thought of having to meet that man face to face again. Now we can at least begin to heal, and focus on Aidric.

I can only imagine how you and your family feel. How are you dealing with this?

Lots and lots of prayer. We are a large, very close and loving family. We have all been leaning on each other and our many, many close friends that have shown so much love and support. We seem to work in cycles, so when one person loses it, someone is there to pick them up and then we switch.

If it wasn’t for the strength of my family, I don’t know if I could deal with this. We try to remember how much we loved her and laughed with her and we are holding onto those memories. I think that is the best we can do.

What advice would you give to someone who has a friend or family member who is experiencing domestic violence?

Get in their business. WAY IN. Tell them the truth, hurt their feelings, get angry with them. Be real with them. I think the situation my sister was in was very different than most domestic violence cases, so it is hard for me to compare what she did to what others may be going through.

All I do know is that we knew something was off with that man and we let it slide because he was full of excuses that Larsen believed. No one ever thinks that someone a family member knows or loves will kill them, but it happens ALL THE TIME.

My family is now ‘those people’ and as cliche’ as it sounds, if it can happen to us, it can happen to you. Think about a little boy who no longer has his mother, think about your sister or daughter or best friend being murdered because you wanted to “support” their decision to stay.

And please, follow your instincts. You don’t need to stay with anyone that is violent or abusive. Don’t let shame or pride keep you in a bad situation or keep you from talking to someone who is. Our hope by sharing this story is that someone will learn from our tragedy.